Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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