Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
