Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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