she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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