So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
