its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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