we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
