So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
