two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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