My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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