youre lurking in front of me
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize