Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
