walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
