i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
