i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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