My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
