Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
