I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
