she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
