Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
