You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
