fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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