I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
