The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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