You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
