I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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