The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
