i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
