My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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