Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
