that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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