i was born a porn star she said
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
