I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
