first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize