I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
