she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
