I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize