did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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