I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
