no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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