one might say we're banned from that church
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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