i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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