I CAN MOONWALK!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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