he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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