She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
