the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
