So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
