So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
