That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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