Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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