i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
