I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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