She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
