when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
