I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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