Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
