Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
