Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
