I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The Olympian is in my bed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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