What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
