kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
