I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Barsexuality is the new black.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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