I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
