You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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