If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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