You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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