dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
