Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
