She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
