community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
even my farts smell like vagina
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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