just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just want to make out with him forever
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
