Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
