Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
