last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
