The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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